dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
