I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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