My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
