i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
