It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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