I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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