i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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