and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize