Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
