How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
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