if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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