Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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