some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize