Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
