i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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