I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
