Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
