Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Randomize
