now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
