There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
