My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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