I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
