how hairy? two words: wookie tits
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
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