We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
