I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
