i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
