Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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