Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
