Tell her she can't have a vagina
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
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