The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
