ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Randomize
