"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Randomize
