ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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