Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I just cut my nipple shaving
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Randomize
