I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
