i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
