She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
