What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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