I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
