Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
