this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
