Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
