Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize