God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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