My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Cover your peen. We're going out.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
