im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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