from now on my penis is your penis
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
