I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
