Pants 0. Shit 1.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
