Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
