Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
