she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
