i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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