I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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