Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Randomize
