Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
