I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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