then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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