Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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