We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
