anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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