I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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