That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
