just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
