WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
