We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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