I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
