I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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