Jerry, you need to find god
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
