I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
