Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
