Whats the glycemic index on semen?
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
My day in three words: secret purse cake
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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