just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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