Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
