Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
