420 ftw
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
