I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
